Point Counterpoint: Intelligent Bocce Design vs. BoccEvolution

Point - Pope Urban VIII, Posthumous Contributor

Heaven, UP: Dear Reader, it is I, Pople Urban VIII, returning from the great Extreme Bocce field in the sky to extol upon you the good word of the Lord, who hast given this game unto the people, through which he manifests his divine will in 109mm high-impact-resistant resin form. You may think that you “choose” where to through the Pallino, but in truth, you are but a pawn, a vessel through which the great bocce game between good and evil is executed.

How else could it be that one can roll the ball 50-plus feet, over sticks, roots, concrete, and woodchips, only to “randomly” connect with the exact path to the Pallino? That’s right, it is not random. Tis the will of the Divine Boccreator himself – or in some cases the will of the evil one, if you happen to be an evil bocce player.

But fear not, good souls, for if you are a true believer, the hand of the Great One shall guide your bocces to victory. Lo, it is written:

Yea, though I roll through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no root structure; for Thou art with my ball,
Thy woodchip and rock, they comfort me,
Thou preparest a double-hit for me in the presence of mine enemies,
Thou annointest my bocces with closeness; My score runneth over 21.

Counter Point - Bocceus Extremus, Single Celled Contributor

Petri Dish, NJ: I'm no complicated, fancy organism. I mean, I absorb my proteins one at a time, like the next protozoa. But, even with only a few simple cells, I find the evidence for Boccevolution (the basic assumption of Bocceology) too compelling to jump to the 'intelligent' bocce design conclusion.

Boccevolution's basic premise is that each roll in an Extreme Bocce game is naturally selected by a series of small changes to the bocce's path, caused by minute irregularities in the Dirt and Normal Adverse (DNA) conditions of the course. It is a simple concept that I have personally verified at the cellular level and has been independently verified again and again in Extreme Bocce games.

That's not to say that every change in the DNA conditions produces the desired effect. For every roll that ends with a hit on the pallino, there are dozens of shots that did not survive the roll to get to that 'hit'. The 'hit' is the culmination of a long line of changes, each very improbable.

Plus, I see intelligent Bocce design as a cop out. If you can't roll with the big Protozoas, don't go blaming some deity for designing your roll wrong. And I don't want to hear none of that 'mysterious ways' shit either.

I say we settle this mono -a- protozo-o. One roll to decide this debate once and for all. That is, if you're 'designer' isn't too busy to help create your shot with His divine will. Bring it pope. 'Sup.